If I die…

Give everything to science or medicine. Donate everything you can. If there isn’t much that can be taken, I’m sorry. I ran parts of me hard, others not as much, like the sole of a shoe, rough and uneven. But please take all that you can.

The rest of me should be burned and drowned, like what I felt was killing me and what I treated it with. Put the ashes in terra cotta pots, I know, I know. People think that terra cotta’s rough edges catch the roots but I promise it makes keeping them alive easier, you won’t be able to over saturate them, you won’t pull out handfuls of rotten roots.

There should be snake plants because they’re indestructible and they grow straight towards the sky. Maybe a bird of paradise so that each new leaf can shade what’s left of me and unfurl with a spectacle. Plant some prayer plants too, they’ll bow their leaves and raise them again. They can be tough to work with but you’ll be so rewarded. I’d like a leopard plant too, with the lush dark green leaves that look like lily pads, like they were plucked straight from Monet’s garden. Definitely an aloe plant or two, to make up for all of the leaves I snipped to help heal my burns and my bruises. Now I can finally work for them.

I want parts of me to be exposed to the light and shoot up, tall and strong and I want other parts to enjoy the shade and move at their own pace, to become thick and vine out, covering the ground.

If I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, I still want to be a part of something with potential. I want to keep growing and I want that growth to be plain as day. With every new leaf, I will pretend that I can change.

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