Nothing helps you to gain perspective more than getting out of your own head/space/town/state.
My best friend got married this past weekend in D.C. She’s been my best friend since my first day of public school in seventh grade. She is intrepid and she is brilliant. If she has any shortcomings I have never noticed them. She works hard and her joie de vivre seems unending, even when she hits a wall. After she graduated college, with a major in MATH of all things, she worked for NASA, she spent a year in Hong Kong teaching English, and she moved to D.C. to start grad school.
She knows how to make a place for herself and she refuses to retreat. She gets the hell out of town because she is destined for greatness.
I think part of my struggle is that I have the ideas and the desire to GET THE FLIGHT OUT but also I struggle so much with the desire to cling to the familiar. Once I find a comfortable space it is so hard for me to leave it. And I wasn’t going to. If everything had gone as planned (re: passing the bar the first or second time in South Carolina) I would have stayed. I would have been so very happy to stay.
If I had passed the first time I would have clerked for my judge and then I would have started working with one of my favorite mentor’s PD office.
If I had passed the second time I would have clerked for my judge another year and found a job in this circuit.
But that isn’t what happened.
Instead I keep clinging to something that ISN’T going to happen. I am not giving myself the chance to leave the comfort that I thought I was going to have.
I’ll be twenty-six in a few hours.
I’ll still be two points away from passing the bar exam in SC.
I’ll still be a little over a month from resigning from my clerkship.
I’ll still be 10 weeks out from my third bar exam.
But for right now, I’m giving myself the chance, no, the opportunity to get out.
I am applying for jobs, applying for bar admission in other states, giving myself the chances that I was keeping myself from.
Anyway, I’m looking to GTFO (get the flight out).
Twenty-six hasn’t started yet but I’m releasing the comfort of the past twenty-five years.
I’m ready for NASA or Hong Kong.
KIDDING, I’m ready for something that I am much more qualified for: TBD.
If this preparedness has nothing to do with moving or leaving but instead everything to do with getting past those two points I need on the bar and ending up here, safe and sound with a goat and chickens then that is also fine.
Welcome to Twenty-Six.
It’s already a bear of a burden, but hell if I am not ready for it.